Right Now

I’m drinking green tea. I read that it promotes satiety. What is satiety anyway? I think it’s something to do with curbing the appetite. I read enough diet crap, I should know by now… Anyway I have nothing terribly interesting to report. Ryan is using his computer, and I use it edit on Final Cut. It’s all I’ve wanted to do over the past couple days, and when I’m not able to, I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m addicted to creating films. I’d like to go into film making, but to create another “official goal” seems too big a task. When you do things for fun in creativity, they always yield more pleasing results. When you assign your creativity to a task, and reduce it to means of meeting a goal, for some reason it is harder to draw inspiration. It’s like asking the wind to blow in a certain direction. Usually the good stuff happens out of spontaneity. Besides, I have quite a lot on my plate as it already stands. That’s my problem; too many interests, and very little focus. It’s hard to stick to one plan . I think it requires more single mindedness than I’m capable of. My attention is always so many different places. So, no, I wont really become a film maker, I shouldn’t lie to myself. But I sure like making films. It’s a great medium. It’s as artistically satisfying as painting, except you can erase with no problem, and there’s no messy clean up afterward. Anyway, Ryan is on his computer and that’s where the final cut is. So I don’t know what else to do with myself here at home right now, but write about how it frustrates me.

I was reading my interview in Import Tuner earlier today, and I was trying to read it from another person’s point of view. I said in there, “I’m a great writer”. How freakin conceited I probably sounded. Why did I say that? I should have said, “I like writing” Not, “I’m a great writer”. Dude. That sounds terrible. There was something else in there too…. Oh, “I was a bad girl”. Why did I say that? That sounds retarded. They rearranged my words a little too. “I was a bad girl, and I’ve since cleaned up my act”. I didn’t say that. I really don’t like when my words are rearranged, and it comes out… stupid. Oh well. Over all it’s probably the best interview I’ve done so far. It’s a lot more relaxed, and is an actual conversation between myself and the interviewer, rather than the usual “what’s your favorite song” type interview. Over all I’m real happy with it. Anyway, I’m going for another cup of green tea. Ryan just got off his computer. I’m back in business.